struggling

Opening Prayer: As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

     Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. (Psalm 42:1-5, ESV)

Scripture: Psalm 42:1-11

Journal: What does Psalm 42 stir up within you?  How does it speak to the struggles of your own heart?  How does it offer hope?

Reflection:

     losing myself

there it goes again
that familiar struggle
between desire and need
between love and fear

it is such a fine line
one that is so easily
and subtly crossed
from i love you
to i need you

it is amazing how
something so beautiful
can become so tainted
in a matter of seconds

it is like a switch
is flipped inside

and i suddenly forget who i am

and instead start to grasp

for someone to be

Prayer

Closing Prayer: When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you,
From Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar. Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids. Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me.  Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God’s prayer.

     Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, “Why did you let me down? Why am I walking around in tears, harassed by enemies?” They’re out for the kill, these tormentors with their obscenities, Taunting day after day, “Where is this God of yours?”

     Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God—soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God. (Psalm 42:6-11, The Message)