Opening Prayer: Father, you are full of compassion, I commit
and commend myself unto you, in whom I am, and live, and know. Be the goal of my pilgrimage, and my Rest by
the way. Let my soul take refuge from the crowding turmoil of worldly thoughts
beneath the shadow of your wings; let my heart, this sea of restless waves,
find peace in you, O God. Amen. (Little
Book of Prayers by St. Augustine)
Scripture: Proverbs 3:1-18
Journal: What words from Proverbs 3 speak to something in
your heart or life these days? Where is
God asking you to trust him with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding? What is your greatest
distraction from being able to do that?
Reflection:
Moods are worth my attention. I am discovering during these first weeks in
Genesee that I am subject to very different moods, often changing very
quickly. Feelings of depressive fatigue,
of low self-esteem, of boredom, feelings also of anger, irritation, and direct
hostility, and feelings of gratitude, joy, and excitement-they can all be
there, sometimes even during one day. I
have the feeling that these quickly changing moods show how attached I really
am to the things given me: a friendly gesture, pleasant work, a word of praise,
a good book, etc. Little things can
quickly change sadness into joy, disgust into contentment, and anger into
under-standing or compassion.
Somewhere during these weeks I read that
sadness is the result of attachment.
Detached people are not the easy victims of good or bad events in their
surroundings and can experience a certain sense of equilibrium. I have the feeling that this is an important
realization for me. When my manual work
does not interest me, I become bored, then quickly irritated and sometimes even
angry, telling myself that I am wasting my time. When I read a book that fascinates me, I
become so involved that time runs fast, people seem friendly, my stay here
worthwhile, and everything one big happy event.
Of course both “moods” are manifestations
of false attachments and show how far I am from a healthy form of
“indifference.” Thinking about all of
this, I guess my main problem still is that I have not really made prayer my
priority. Still the only reason that I
am here—I mean the only reason I should be here—is to learn to pray. But, in fact, much of what I am doing is
motivated by many other concerns: getting back in shape, learning some skills,
knowing more about birds and trees, getting to know interesting people, and
picking up many ideas and experiences for future teaching. But if prayer were my only concern, all these
other things could be received as free gifts.
Now, however, I am obsessed by these desires which are false, not in
themselves, but by their being in the wrong place in the hierarchy of
values. That, I guess, is the cause of
my moodiness. For the time being it
seems so important to be at least aware of it. (The Genesee Diary
by Henri J. M. Nouwen)
Prayer
Closing Prayer: Lord,
you know me better than I know myself.
Your Spirit pervades every moment of my life. Thank you for the grace and love you shower
on me. Thank you for your constant,
gentle invitation to let you into my life.
Forgive me for the times I have refused that invitation, and closed
myself off from you. Help me in the day
to come, to recognize your presence in my life, to open myself to you, to let
you work in me, to your greater glory. Amen. (The Spiritual Exercises by
St. Ignatius)
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