Scripture: Psalm 62:5-8
Journal: How do you find rest in God alone? What helps? What hinders?
Reflection: So I found something out on my latest vacation. It is something I can’t believe I didn’t recognize years ago, especially after coming back from vacation after vacation more tired than I was before I left. What I found out is this: Goals are the enemy of rest. I know, I know, it sounds so countercultural, or certainly counter-intuitive. But think about it; when was the last time you really rested? And what were the dynamics that made it possible? And what are the things that have been obstacles to rest in the past?
My typical pattern is that I
go on vacation with a plan, a list of things I’m hoping to accomplish. That should tell me something right
there. Don’t get me wrong, they are good
things, really good things. They are
things that I enjoy and things that have the potential to bring me rest. But somehow when they become a list,
they take on a life of their own. All of
the sudden I am trying to rest—I’m working at rest. Thus, the rest is gone right out of it. Now I’ve just got a bunch of goals, a bunch
of things to do. And when the things on
my list don’t get done, or somehow my goals are blocked, I get frustrated. By the way, that’s what happens when our
goals get blocked—we get frustrated. If
you are ever frustrated and don’t know why, just ask yourself what goal you
have (spoken or unspoken, acknowledged or hidden) that is being blocked.
Take the last few days, for
instance. We had the opportunity to
spend a few days at the beach.
Immediately I thought, “Oh great, a chance to get a little sun, read a
little, exercise a little, and be still and quiet.” All good things, yet when those good things
subtly become my goals, I’m setting myself up for failure. All of the sudden I am working at
accomplishing my goals, rather than truly resting. I don’t know, maybe folks that are wired
differently from me don’t have this struggle.
But I sure do.
All of the sudden, getting a
little sun becomes work; something I’ve got to do. And the rest of it drains right out. Then it rains and I find myself
frustrated. Or that quiet reading under
the umbrella by the beach that I had envisioned in my mind is interrupted by
the bazillion people that are now crowded around on every side, talking loudly
enough for folks five umbrellas down to be able to hear them, and blaring their
music from their wireless speakers.
Strike two. And that run on the
beach I had envisioned is interrupted by the pulled soleus that has been
nagging me for the past few months, and now decides to flare up again. Strike three.
Awesome! (Not awesome in the
sense that “this is wonderful,” but awesome in the sense of “of course, this
always happens to me.” Funny how the
same word can have two completely different meanings depending on the tone they
are uttered in)
So somehow I have to figure
out how to take the work out of rest. Somehow
I have got to learn how to be intentional about making the space and time for
rest to happen without turning it into a goal.
Because goals really are the enemy of rest. Somehow I have got to start holding things
loosely, taking things as they come, and enjoying whatever the present moment
has to offer. Which is not easy for me,
being the anxiety-ridden person that I am.
But if I ever hope to have any deep sense of rest, it will only come
when I learn to stop doing and start being. Just being alive and present. Breathing in and breathing out. Living and savoring time and space, rather
than always filling it. Just enjoying,
as one of the saints of old once said, the sacrament of the present moment. It’s going to take some practice, but
hopefully one day I’ll get there.
Hopefully one day I will actually go on vacation with no list. A man can dream, right?
Prayer
Closing
Prayer: O God, full of compassion, I commit myself to
you, in whom I am, and live and know. Be the goal of my pilgrimage and my rest
by the way. Let my soul take refuge from the crowding turmoil of worldly
thought beneath the shadow of your wings. Let my heart, this sea of restless
waves, find peace in you, O God. Amen. ~St. Augustine
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