groaning, day 4

Come to Stillness: Take a few minutes to allow your mind and heart to be still before God.

Opening Prayer:
Lord, I was ever greedy of life, my attention always straining toward the parts of it that had not yet come…toward what was about to be, or might be, or hopefully would be, and especially toward those things that, by Your mercy, might turn out not to be after all.
I panted with longing to suck each segment of life dry of its pleasures. I plotted, with myself but despite myself, about tomorrow…about the “later” that was constantly morphing into now. You know how I worked, Lord, recklessly but prayerfully, to set time’s courses and, in Your name, to sculpt them to my intention, to my definition of good.
But I am old now, Lord, and my prayers grown old as well. So it is that daily I am drawn, as here, to pray, “Deliver me, My Lord, from this my great sin, and take me, free of doubt and other longings, into Your good plan.” (Prayer by Phyllis Tickle, Weavings, Volume XXV, Number 4)

Psalm for the Week: Psalm 31

Scripture for the Day: Hebrews 2:5-18

Reading for Reflection:

At the end of my trip to Canada, the United States, and England, about which I wrote in this journal, I met a young man who told me about his own spiritual journey in a way that helped me to think about this second loneliness.  He said, “First I was traveling on a highway with many other people.  I felt lonely in my car, but at least I was not alone.  Then Jesus told me to take an exit and follow a winding country road which was pleasant and beautiful.  People who passed by greeted me, smiled, and waved to me; I felt loved.  But then, quite unexpectedly, Jesus asked me to take a dirt road, leave the car, and walk with him.  As we were walking we did not see anyone anymore; although I knew that I was walking with Jesus, I felt very lonely and often in despair.  I was tired and felt forgotten by my friends.  Now it looked as if I was getting more lonely as I was getting closer to Jesus.  And nobody seemed to understand.”

     My life at Daybreak became increasingly an invitation to enter into this second loneliness.  It is such a painful experience that I hesitate to write about it.  It is a loneliness of which I know no special friend can free me, even though I keep clinging desperately to such a friend.  It is a loneliness that asks of me to throw myself completely into the arms of a God whose presence can no longer be felt and to risk every part of my being to what seems like nothingness.  It is the loneliness of Jesus, who cries out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (The Road to Daybreak by Henri J. M. Nouwen)

Reflection and Listening: silent and written

Prayer: for the church, for others, for myself

Song for the Week: O Heart Bereaved and Lonely

O heart bereaved and lonely,
Whose brightest dreams have fled
Whose hopes like summer roses,
Are withered crushed and dead
Though link by link be broken,
And tears unseen may fall
Look up amid thy sorrow,
To Him who knows it all

O cling to thy Redeemer,
Thy Savior, Brother, Friend
Believe and trust His promise,
To keep you till the end
O watch and wait with patience,
And question all you will
His arms of love and mercy,
Are round about thee still

Look up, the clouds are breaking,
The storm will soon be o'er
And thou shall reach the haven,
Where sorrows are no more
Look up, be not discouraged;
Trust on, whate'er befall
Remember, O remember,
Thy Savior knows it all

Closing Prayer
Loving God, the earth moans, in need of your healing. Help me be a peacemaker today—one who carries your vision and takes the small actions that contribute to healing for the world. Amen. (The Uncluttered Heart by Beth A. Richardson)